Organizing Your Stuff
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The environment you live in makes a huge difference in how you feel. If your space feels chaotic and dirty, you might not feel as comfortable or calm as you wish. If you’re often frustrated because you can’t find something, that’s added stress in your life. So, here are some tips for taking control of your stuff.
1. Start Big, and then get more detailed if necessary.
Begin by deciding what goes in which room. Put kitchen stuff in the kitchen, bathroom stuff in the bathroom, kids’ stuff in their room, etc. Then categorize the things in each room. For example, separate food from dishes, clothes from toys, and papers from trinkets. Think about whether you want to move any of the areas from one room to another (like when combining all the family’s coats and shoes in one place instead of having them be separate). Then arrange each area so that things are compact, accessible, and pleasing to the eye. Do these before getting sucked into the tiny details of a drawer, cabinet, or filing system.
2. Use closet, desk and drawer organizers, storage boxes, dressers, shelves, hooks, containers…
Use anything that helps you to keep personal belongings organized and compact. Label things clearly and make it a daily or weekly habit to put things in their designated spot. When necessary, adjust your organizational system to make it work more smoothly (for example, making things you use often more easily accessible, and putting things you rarely use towards the back).
3. Create a desk-work space.
Do you find yourself going to five different places in your house to get a pen, paper, stamps, bill, and checkbook? It helps to have one place set up especially for paper-work. Also, having your papers in one place, keeps them from cluttering up the rest of your house. Make sure your paper-work space is well lit, has room for storage (shelves, trays, drawers, file cabinets), and has the tools you need (pens, stapler, paper, trash can, etc.). Also, having a phone or computer right there may help. You don’t need a whole room for this, just a corner will do. Set up your space to minimize distractions. Use headphones, soft music, or white noise (like a fan) to shield other noise. However, if music is a distraction, then avoid it. Also, angle your table or desk away from anything distracting (TV, busy doorways, windows, people). This will help you stay focused on your desk-work until you’re done with what you needed to do.
4. Miscellaneous stuff can be a challenge to organize.
Here are some ideas. Hang a key rack with labeled hooks right by the door. Purses and fannie-packs can be hung on similar (if larger) hooks, next to your coats and umbrellas. Place a shelf or table near your door for items like sunglasses or other items you want to remember to take with you when you leave the house. As for small items like rubber bands, puzzle pieces, toy parts, batteries, etc… designate a drawer or a box to be your miscellaneous place.
5. Get rid of excess stuff.
Ask yourself: “Is it useful?” This means that you use it regularly rather than “well, someday it might come in handy.” Also ask yourself, “is it beautiful?” and, “do I love it?” If you said yes to any of these questions then keep it, but if not, then what is the purpose of keeping it? Sometimes, even if it is useful, you might have too many of the same item, in which case you could get rid of a few.
6. Take it one step at a time.
If getting organized is a big change for you, be patient with yourself and develop one habit at a time (or focus on one area of the house at a time). For example, decide what would make the biggest difference to you. Washing the dishes? Hanging your keys by the door? Keeping the table cleared off? Pick one task and work on it for a month. Hopefully, by the end of the month, you will have made this a habit. If not, then you might have to problem-solve about what went wrong. Each month add another task while continuing the previous ones. You may want to start with common areas, like the kitchen or living room.
7. Use routines to help you stay organized.
Doing chores more regularly and frequently makes them more manageable. Do the tasks that need continuous attention (cleaning, organizing mail, doing dishes, picking up, writing down expenses, paying bills) regularly and in small increments. Schedule them into your daily or weekly routines, so that you can prevent overwhelming pile-ups.
8. Use reminders to get yourself to clean regularly.
Stay tuned for an upcoming post about using reminders to help you get organized.
9. Stay motivated.
You can also use rewards to motivate yourself, but you just may find that having a clean, comfortable home, and less tension with your house-mates, is a reward in itself. If you need motivation help, stay tuned for an upcoming post on motivating yourself to stay organized.
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
The Marriage Myth – Why do so many couples divorce?
By · CommentsAn interesting article from the Washington Post about marriage education:
As a punishing rain lashed across the narrow peninsula of Ocean City, Heidi and Kirk Noll stood facing each other in a windowless conference room of the aging Carousel Resort Hotel.
Amid stackable chairs and retractable walls, they and a half-dozen other bleary-eyed couples clasped hands and pledged their lives to each other. Heidi’s hair was still damp for the 9 a.m. ceremony, which took only 15 minutes, despite multiple interruptions from hotel staffers opening heavy doors that led to an atrium where the hum of a Zamboni on an indoor ice rink mingled with the smell of maple syrup from breakfast.
Vows successfully exchanged, and blessed by an Army chaplain, the couples clambered back onto the chartered bus that had brought them here, and made the wearing slog home to Washington.
It was an experience, the Nolls insist, that saved their marriage.
What’s more: Had they gone through something similar years before, both say they might still be married to their first spouses.
The Nolls were on a marriage education retreat — in this case, a free, two-day event that was part of an Army-wide initiative called Strong Bonds.
What it meant for Kirk and Heidi was 36 hours away from their daily routine, time they spent thinking critically about their relationship. Together with their group… (click here to read entire article about The Marriage Myth)
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
The Stress Response and Its Affects on Breathing
By · CommentsThe stress response was adaptive for physical survival
When prehistoric humans were in physical danger, they had to be prepared to fight or run away. The stress response below helped them survive.
- Muscle tension: Large skeletal muscles contract to prepare you for action (fight or flight) or to help you hold still and hide (the freeze response). When chronic, this tension can cause pain and discomfort, especially in the shoulders, neck, back and head.
- Rapid breathing: As the lungs attempt to provide the blood with more oxygen, hyperventilation (over-breathing) may occur. Muscle tension and anxiety may also cause a person to hold their breath or to take quick shallow breaths. Both can lead to faintness, dizziness and tingling.
- Dilated pupils: The eyes allow in more light to help the person see the threat.
- Racing heart / palpitations / increased blood pressure: More blood is pumped around the body carrying oxygen to produce energy. Blood pressure may also increase due to constricted blood vessels.
- Blushing, sweating: The body needs to get rid of the heat generated in the production of energy.
- Dry mouth and slowed digestion: Digestions slows down or ceases because it is a non-vital function when facing a physical threat. Saliva is part of the digestive process and is reduced when digestion slows.
- Restlessness: Adrenaline causes a “rush” of energy. Other stress hormones are also released that affect various organ systems. Stress hormones take time to subside.
- Shaking or trembling: Adrenaline may cause you to shake. Also lactic acid buildup in the muscle tissues can cause shaking or trembling (often in anticipation of the threat or after the threat has passed).
- Intense Emotions: Fear motivates us to be cautious, to anticipate dangers, and to hide or run if necessary. Anger can motivate us to defend ourselves or our loved ones… to fight.
- Effects on the mind: Intense emotions, excess energy, and alarm may make it difficult to think clearly or focus. Your mind may rapidly jump from one thought to another, you may have racing thoughts or worries, and you may have difficulty remembering things or making decisions.
The stress response is less adaptive in coping with modern stress
Although this stress response is useful in dealing with physical threats, it is much less useful in dealing with modern stressors like deadlines, finances, presentations, traffic jams or sensory overload. It also doesn’t help much with positive stressors involved in growing, learning, pursuing your life dreams, and achieving goals.
Indeed, the stress response, especially when chronic, can create problems. Chronic stress can contribute to heart problems, digestion problems, decreased immunity, body aches and pains, headaches, and many other physical, emotional, mental, behavioral and social consequences. Nonetheless, our bodies still react with the same old stress response.
That’s why it’s important to understand your natural responses to stress, and to learn how to manage stress effectively through a variety of strategies including: understanding your difficulties and triggers, problem-solving, self-care, communication skills, emotion management, cognitive strategies, time management, organization, mindfulness, and especially relaxation techniques (to calm the body).
Effects of stress on breathing
There is one part of the stress response that I’d like to discuss in more detail. This is how our breathing responds to stress. Breathing is important for two reasons. First, breathing rapidly can create some frightening symptoms (e.g.: lightheadedness). Second, breathing is something you can learn to control consciously, and therefore, something that you can use to trigger the relaxation response.
Hyperventilation or over-breathing (“fight or flight”)
Some people tend to hyperventilate (or over-breathe) when stressed. In other words, they breathe faster and deeper than they need to. This is part of the “fight or flight” response. They’re actually breathing too much rather than not enough. This may be more pronounced for some and subtle for others.
Hyperventilation can cause symptoms such as lightheadedness, dizziness, headache and numbness or tingling in the hands, feet and lips. Although someone who is hyperventilating feels that they can’t get enough air, they usually have normal levels of oxygen in their blood.
The problem is that hyperventilation causes you to breathe out more carbon dioxide than your body produces. This reduces the carbon dioxide in the blood below its normal level. This increases the pH level of your blood, which triggers the constriction of blood vessels, and thus reduces blood flow to your brain and other organs. Because the blood is flowing through narrower blood vessels, it takes longer to bring oxygen to where it’s needed, making you feel like you’re not getting enough oxygen, even though it’s abundant in your bloodstream.
The catch is that since you feel like you’re not getting enough oxygen, you’re going to want to breathe even faster and deeper to supply more oxygen. In so doing, you will be breathing out even more carbon dioxide, making your blood vessels constrict even more, and feeling even worse.
Tension and restricted breathing (“freeze or faint”)
Stress can also cause some people to tense up and take shallower breaths, and sometimes even to hold their breath. This is part of the “freeze or faint” response which could help people to hide when in danger.
Such restricted breathing limits the amount of oxygen that you take in, and can reduce the amount of oxygen in your blood. Therefore, your heart has to work harder to pump more blood to all your organs and tissues to supply them with oxygen. The reduced amounts of oxygen in your blood can cause similar symptoms as caused by over-breathing: lightheadedness, dizziness, headache and numbness or tingling in the hands, feet and lips.
A basic breathing technique
A basic technique you could use to counteract both of the above problems, and to trigger the relaxation response, includes the following three steps:
- Focus your mind on your breath (and repeatedly re-focus when you get distracted again)
- Slow down your breath by counting how long it takes to breathe in and out, and by extending your count every few breaths. (you may start with in-1, 2, 3, out-1, 2, 3, pause-1, 2… then add a count to each, breathe at this pace for a little while, until comfortable with this pace, then add another count, etc.
- Continue for a few minutes of mindful, slow, deep, relaxed breathing. Relax your muscles too while you’re at it.
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
Tips for Emotional Processing
By · CommentsIf you have difficulty getting in touch with your emotions, of if you don’t have any healthy outlets for your emotions, here are a few ideas to consider.
Guidelines:
- Experience your emotions like a wave. Don’t block your emotions when they start to come out. Allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you feel, without acting on them. Observe how emotions will gradually rise up, flow over you, and then fade away. One wave of emotion might only last a couple of minutes. Just observe the process, knowing you don’t have to follow the emotion or cling to it. Once it’s passed, let it go. A typical emotional process might involve several waves.
- Don’t do any of the following if it is going to be intimidating or threatening to someone who is with you at the time. Some of these are best done alone. Always be mindful of the consequences of your actions and make sure to avoid any destructive versions of the options below.
- Engage your rational mind. Think about what purpose your emotions are trying to serve, their function and their usefulness to you. Take time to identify the thoughts that triggered the emotions, and to problem-solve or make necessary decisions. Remember that how you think about a situation makes a big difference in what emotions you feel. Also, prepare to communicate about it.
- I recommend that you follow emotional processing with something soothing or uplifting. In other words, you can switch gears after the emotional processing by exposing yourself to pleasant music, humor, sensory soothing, relaxation, positive messages, or distraction.
Actions
- Talk to someone supportive about your situation, your problem, your thoughts and your feelings. If you’re able to open up, the emotions often come out naturally.
- Journal about your thoughts and feelings. Don’t just describe what happened, describe how you felt about it. Describe the feelings in words, using metaphors and symbolic descriptions. Take note of what thoughts trigger what feelings.
- Let yourself cry. Remember that crying is a natural outlet for emotions, and when the time and circumstances are right, let it all out.
- Release your emotions physically in a non-destructive way. You can do this through exercise, walking, cleaning or house work, hitting a punching bag or bed, dancing, popping bubble wrap, squeezing a stress ball, throwing or kicking a ball as hard as you can, etc. You might want to think or even talk about what is upsetting you while you do the physical activity, and then channel the emotion into the activity.
- Listen to music that matches your emotions.
- Watch a movie or TV show that matches your emotions.
- Express your emotions creatively. Play music, write a poem, draw or paint, act out a dramatic scene, write lyrics, dance, write a story, or make a collage symbolizing your feelings. You can also explore emotions creatively through trying on various postures and positioning (e.g.: the fetal position, various postures, facial expressions, movements, and gestures.
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
Video – Lost in a Moment of What He Needs
By · CommentsSo much in therapy is about what someone needs, and about how those needs impact our decisions and relationships. Our needs can be as fundamental as the basic need or safety and survival. We also have needs for belonging and love. Esteem needs include achievement, confidence and respect. Actualization needs top the list, pulling us to fulfill our potential and be the best people we can be.
Often one person’s needs conflict with another’s, and actions meant to satisfy one need may create another need, perhaps in people one doesn’t even know.
This song by Edie Brickell has always stood out to me, because it identifies several specific moments of need. It presents a tragic example of how one person’s need can create a cascade of moments of need in others. It is a sad song that captures just how painful and overwhelming needs can be.
If you are receiving this post in an e-mail, you may need to click on the title to view the video on my website.
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
Stressed in America
By · CommentsBoil down the findings from APA’s 2010 Stress in America survey, and the message is clear: Chronic stress — stress that interferes with your ability to function normally over an extended period — is becoming a public health crisis.
“America is at a critical crossroads when it comes to stress and our health,” says APA Chief Executive Officer Norman B. Anderson, PhD.
Part of APA’s Mind/Body Health campaign, the survey revealed the impact stress is having on Americans’ physical and emotional health. Harris Interactive conducted the online survey of adults and young people ages 8 to 17 in August.
Key findings include:
Stress is up. Most Americans are suffering from moderate to high stress, with 44 percent reporting that their stress levels have increased over the past five years. Concerns about money… (click here to read the entire article about Stress in America in the Monitor on Psychology)
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
Supplements to Therapy
By · CommentsIn addition to participating in therapy, there are many other things you could do to boost your mental and emotional wellness. Not all these ideas are right for everybody, so pick those ideas that would help you most, and that are most relevant for you. Can you think of more ideas?
1. Educating Yourself
There’s only so much that can be discussed in one therapy hour per week. You might want to find more information, ideas, or insights. Learning about the topic you’re struggling with will help you to stay focused on your therapy work between sessions, and provide helpful reminders about what’s effective and recommended versus ineffective and harmful. To get information you could:
- Read books and magazines
- Find websites, online articles, blogs, discussion boards, forums or chat rooms (being careful about your sources)
- Join FaceBook groups or become a fan of mental wellness pages on social networking sites like FaceBook
- Follow mental health information sources on Twitter
- Watch TV shows, documentaries and videos
- Join list-serves that will automatically e-mail you newsletters or posts
- Subscribe to websites using an RSS feed
- Talk to others who have experienced similar difficulties
2. Medication
Although therapy has been shown to help in the vast majority of cases, some people want (or need) quicker relief. They may be too emotionally overwhelmed to fully engage in therapy. If therapy feels too intense, or if therapy doesn’t seem to be helping enough, then you might consider also taking medication. The combination of medication and counseling has a better chance of helping than just counseling or just medication alone. Medication is probably the most common supplement to therapy (or you could also say that therapy can be a supplement to medication). Let your therapist or your primary doctor know if you’d like to find out more about psychotropic medications, or if you’d like a referral to a psychiatrist.
3. Physical Self-Care
Use your time in therapy as a time to emphasize self-care in general. By maximizing your physical wellness, you also enhance your mental wellness. You could:
- Exercise (This is a biggie! Many great benefits.)
- Improve your nutrition and/or take supplements
- Rest by pacing yourself, taking breaks and getting adequate and regular sleep
- Avoid substance abuse
- See your primary doctor to rule out or address possible medical causes for your symptoms
- See your primary doctor to address any physical ailments or pain that may be adding to your stress
- Take medication as prescribed (don’t skip doses or take more than prescribed)
4. Supportive Relationships
Stay in touch with your natural support system during therapy. Try to maintain at least three points of social support. Talk to your support system about your challenges and your efforts to cope. You may want to tell them that you are in therapy and how it is helping you. Also nurture and deepen your relationships by helping others, by having fun together, and by making an effort to understand others. People you may want to consider talking to include family, friends, a pastor or teacher, a support group, or online support.
5. Spiritual Community or Practice
Many people get meaningful inspiration and support through their spiritual community, or through personal spiritual practice. You could:
- Pray
- Read religious or inspirational books or articles
- Attend or participate in worship or other religious activities
- Get to know friends from your spiritual community
- Talk to a pastor or other religious leader
- Listen to or play/sing spiritual music
- Watch inspirational TV
- Visit religious or spiritual places (or websites)
6. Journaling or Logging
Many people find it helpful to journal or to keep a log about their feelings, any behaviors they are trying to change, or about events in their lives. It’s a great way to become more mindful, to check in with yourself, to vent, and to clarify your thoughts.
7. Creating Positive Experiences
Positive activities will enrich your life and counter-balance some of the pain or negative emotions life inevitably includes. Here are some examples.
- Engage in hobbies and learn about things that interest you
- Work toward meaningful goals and life dreams
- Develop enjoyable routines (like a cup of tea after work)
- Seek out the beautiful (like music, a museum or a sunset)
- Do recreational activities that are fun to you
- Spend time in nature
- Do something creative (photography, writing, etc.)
- Volunteer (with animals, kids, the sick, the poor, etc.)
- Spend time with people who care about you, and whom you care about
8. Light Therapy
For some types of depression, it may be helpful to try light therapy along with counseling. Specific exposures to certain types of light can trigger changes in your body that could help you to feel better. Ask your therapist or psychiatrist if you’d like to learn more about this.
9. Positive Thinking
One of the things you and your therapist may work on is challenging automatic negative thoughts and increasing positive thoughts. You can also practice this on your own by regularly counting your blessings, noticing what is going well, acknowledging your strengths, using reminders to cue yourself to think positive, or repeating affirmations to yourself. You could also find affirmations online, in books and in music.
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC. If you are receiving my posts by e-mail, and have trouble viewing any videos, please click on the title of the post in order to view it on my website.
5 Excellent Ideas for Reducing Distractions
By · CommentsMarc Lesser offers five excellent and insightful ideas for reducing distractions. They might not be what you would expect.
Here are five practices that can be useful tools in reducing distraction or frenetic activity and cultivating focus and concentration. They are surprisingly easy to implement and, almost before you know it, can become positive addictions.
1: Appreciate Impermanence
I saw a cartoon in a recent New Yorker magazine in which two people were finishing their dinners at a Chinese restaurant and had just opened their fortune cookies. One fortune read, “You are going to die.”
If you let this fact sink in — that life is short, and we all die — it can actually act as a powerful motivating force to help maintain focus and priorities. Everything changes and is impermanent, so are we fully present and making the most of this fleeting moment? Are we fully aware of what we are doing? Appreciating impermanence clarifies priorities,
Read more: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/5-practices-for-reducing-distractions.html#ixzz17Mm3v0NH
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
The Psychology of Pleasure by Nathaniel Branden – video
By · CommentsI have been thinking a lot lately about happiness versus depression. These two videos about the psychology of pleasure present some interesting food for thought, and help to clarify some of the dynamics that I often encounter in my work and in my life. Very interesting.
Video 1:
(If you cannot see the video above, you can click this link to see it on YouTube.)
Video 2:
(If you cannot see the video above, you can click this link to see it on YouTube.)
Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.
