Archive for Anger Management

Jan
21

Video – Lost in a Moment of What He Needs

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So much in therapy is about what someone needs, and about how those needs impact our decisions and  relationships.  Our needs can be as fundamental as the basic need or safety and survival.  We also have needs for belonging and love.  Esteem needs include achievement, confidence and respect.  Actualization needs top the list, pulling us to fulfill our potential and be the best people we can be.

Often one person’s needs conflict with another’s, and actions meant to satisfy one need may create another need, perhaps in people one doesn’t even know.

This song by Edie Brickell has always stood out to me, because it identifies several specific moments of need.  It presents a tragic example of how one person’s need can create a cascade of moments of need in others.  It is a sad song that captures just how painful and overwhelming needs can be.

If you are receiving this post in an e-mail, you may need to click on the title to view the video on my website.

Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park, IL (60477); near Orland Park, Oak Forest, Orland Hills, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort. Click here for more about Anda Jines MS LCPC.

Categories : Mental Health
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Jul
16

The Revenge Paradox

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Contrary to Popular Belief, Revenge Does Not Make People Feel Better

This interesting article from the Monitor on Psychology reports some interesting research about revenge.  The main point that stood out to me, was that although research subjects predicted they would feel better if given an opportunity for revenge, measures showed that it actually made them feel worse than those subjects who did not get this opportunity.

Betrayal, Anger and Revenge

The study was based on an investment scenario, in which secret experimenters pretended to be one of the subjects.  These plants intentionally betrayed their groups, and then some groups were given an opportunity to exact revenge, and some were not.  Their resulting emotions were then measured, showing that the groups who did not exact revenge felt better in the end. The authors stated that:

By exacting revenge, people think more about the person and the event, “Rather than providing closure, it does the opposite:  It keeps the wound open and fresh.”

Cultural Differences in Revenge

The article also discusses some interesting cultural differences affecting revenge.

American students feel more offended when their rights are violated, whereas Korean students feel more offended when their sense of duty and obligation is threatened… to collectivists, shame to someone with a shared identity is considered an injury to one’s self…as a result… revenge is more contagious in collectivist cultures.

… anger often drives the vengeful feelings of people in individualistic cultures, while shame powers revenge in collectivist ones.

Revenge and Justice

The article goes on to discuss the relationship between revenge and justice:  “If revenge doesn’t make us feel any better, why do we seek it?” (Click to read entire article on revenge)

Anda Jines MS LCPC offers mental health counseling services in the southwest suburbs of Chicago, in Tinley Park (60477); near Oak Forest, Orland Park, Palos Heights, Mokena, and Frankfort.

Categories : Relationships
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Feb
09

No, You Shut Up!

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A coleague recently e-mailed me a link to this Slate Magazine article about responding to your kids’ disrespectful behavior.  It seems to me that this is one of the toughest issues for parents to deal with.  This article goes through multiple options for reacting to disrespect, and the pros and cons of each.  The suggestion they end with may not be an easy solution, but if research can be trusted, then its the one most likely to work.

If you’re a parent, you are probably familiar with being provoked into a blood vessel-popping rage that instantly overwhelms any resolution you might have made to stay calm. That’s because kids are amazingly good at refining behaviors that they can turn to when they’re upset or angry, especially in public, to make their parents even angrier… read entire article.

Categories : Relationships
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